Blind

Blank stares
Mind filled
Lips sealed
& her hopes are killed

A path lies
Before her blind eyes
A step taken forward
But three back

& the struggle begins....

Her path is lost
Love's the cost

Time past
Still this pain last
No progress made

How weak of her...

Is she to wait for time to heal??

"You're gone
& she's done
Though she misses you"

25 Random Facts (really random)

1. I like to pick out pink Skittles and eat those only and give the rest of the bag to someone else.

2. I play soccer like a dude. (grandma said so)

3.I forget things all the time.

4.I've played soccer since the 6th grade.

5.I bruise easily.

6.I like pink... sometimes- HINT HINT: sometimes. But i like purple more.

7. I thought it was kind of cool how the Easter Bunny brought me a purple egg last Easter. ;)

8.Not talented =/

9.I miss my mom.
10. Sometimes i don't want to fall asleep because I'm afraid of what i could dream of.

11. During my sleep, i blurt out things i don't talk about when I'm awake.

12.I countdown til my 18th birthday.

13.I'll be turning 17 in January 9 (& one more year to go!)

14. I miss my itouch.

15.I cry and get some nasty headaches when i get mad.

16. I really need a job!

17.I like to paint my fingernails with clear nail polish.

18.I fall asleep during math class and have always gotten away with it.

19. Family?? No way! I don't believe in that word...

20.I love school!

21."Little caterpillar waiting to turn into a butterfly and fly away"

22.I have an annoying brother i had no idea existed.

23. I tend to hold grudges on people that have done ugly things to me.

24. Believe it or not, I really don't hate any one right now.

25.I like it when ppl hug me and talk sweet to me... (awkward)

Dear Me

Dear Me,

I'm sorry HEART.
I just wanted to say thank you for never breaking apart. Maybe a little scratch here and there and even a few small cracks, but I've always given you the time you need to heal.
One thing i don't like about you is, every time i follow you, i get hurt.
Why do you lead me the wrong path?? I know that people say "listen to your heart", but I'm just not going to listen to you anymore.
Dude, you're a horrible adviser....(ha ha). You just wouldn't make it as a psychologist...

I'm sorry EYES for all the times I've cried until you ran out of tears.
But, i want to thank you for allowing me to see the good things in life.
& even though a lot of them didn't stay, i think I've learned a little bit of everything.

I'm sorry MIND of mine.
You tend to always be giving me the right signals for making decisions, but i always end up doing the exact opposite (All because i want to listen to Mr. Heart...).
I thank you for storing all the good memories i had in the past. I'll carry them forever.
However, I think you need to work a little more on your storage capacity. Sometimes, i can't remember what I've done with things i say I'll put in a "safe" place (sure... that place ends up being so safe that not even I know where that place is...)

I'm sorry LIPS of mine for kissing someone i didn't love.
I also want to thank you for giving me the chance to speak up and let my thoughts run out of my mouth, even though not all of them have been the best things to say....
Thank you for staying sealed when i don't have anything nice to say.

Thank you for everything.
& i'm sorry for everything too.

Love,
Mariana

Stop Saying That!!!!!

I guess i love my dad.... but not today.

I really hate it when he starts talking trash about Mormons (i am one. Hello?!?!?!)
Eversince i came back to Guatemala, about a month ago, i haven't gone to church for running around trying to catch up on meeting his side of the family (which i've been told i'm not quite done doing). So, finally, i was able to go today after being told so many times by mom to go.

Church was really nice. I loved it!!!

During lunch, he started talking about Mormons.
He rudely said " So tell me, what's the deal with Mormons and their whole crap about not drinking coffey but drinking soda. Soda should be a lot worse...."
Then he endlessly started talking about how he thinks that the members are members only because the church gives them econimic help and all of "these things".
"it's only based on interest on material things and money that all of you people are memebers", he said again.

I wanted to get up from the table and leave.
I felt so mad.

I'm glad to not have answered his questions and comments at that moment. Probably whatever i would've said wouldn't have been the best.

Though i was mad the whole time we were at the table and felt like the food tasted like absolutely nothing, the bright side of the situation was to realize that...

I'm learning self-control!
I feel proud.
It was really hard though.

Keep it up some more! :)

Kevin

He has the most enchanting, and the deepest dark brown eyes i've ever seen. The biggest front teeth, too! But those two front teeth make such a warm smile when you see it. He is about 4 feet tall, and chocolate color skin. The most amusing guy i've ever met and such a gentlemen (good work with him, dad). His name is Kevin. He is ten years old and he is my brother; a brother that i had no idea existed. He is such a funny person. He likes to make me laugh cause he finds it amusing to hear my laughs and even more to hear how i giggle.

I bearly know him but i already love him.

It is so sweet when he confidently says to other people "this is my sister Mariana", or when he gives me his seat in the transit because the other seats are all occupied and i have to stand.

There's a song in Spanish with my name in it. The song is called "Oh, Mariana". He'll start singing the song randomly, like he is doing right now. He will sing "Oh Mariana" over and over again even though that's the only part that he knows out of the entire song.

Like any other younger sibling, he's speciality is to get on my nerves. Something that he learned pretty quickly how to do. "Don't call me Carmen!!!", i will shout. Then he'll shorten my name to Mari and then jump to calling me " Mari, Mari, Mariposita" in a really annnoying tune! It is so embarassing when he does it in public! I just think "please, be quiet!!"

However, he is my little brother. Annoying? Yes. But i love him either way.

Guatemala

I don't know how to start this first blog. I can say that i am in another country, and that it scares me beacause everyone knows that third world countries are dangerous.

Besides that, i've come to find out that i have an extensively large family. Not even counting the extended family i have over at the US.

Dad and grandma say i'm not done meeting all of them. So far, i can't count the total number of grandparents i have with both hands. Yes, that is a lot! I don't even know how i come to be realted as a grandchild with all of these people. Cousins... dude, i'm not even gonna go there.

Why does Guatemala scare me?

Well, haven't been here in such a long time. I don't remember most people- people that claim to know me. My hometown changed a lot. My street isn't the same anymore. When i left, about six years ago, my street wasn't paved. Now, it is and it even seems as if it had shrunk (must be because i've gotten taller). I have gotten lost i don't know how many times and have had to walk around looking for a public phone to call someone. Good thing has been that i've had money on me to call and that i always carry a phone number with me.

I've almost gotten run over by crazy drivers. I constantly forget that i am not in the US anymore when i cross the streets. US drivers respect pedestrians more than drivers do here. A car won't stop just because you're crossing the street. So, now i have to keep on reminding myself to really look both ways before i cross the street.